Weekly Halacha Yomit: Kitzur Shulchan Aruch

Chapters 208-211 of the Kitzur deal with the things that are prohibited to a mourner during the shiva period. Many, if not most, of these prohibitions concern things connected to the physical comfort of the mourner. For example, washing, anointing, wearing leather shoes, sitting on a regular chair, wearing laundered clothes, cutting hair, and so on. It seems perplexing that at a time of personal grief, we are forced to forgo physical comfort – at a time when such matters would be so much more appreciated by the mourner. Wouldn’t permitting these things allow the mourner to truly come to terms with their loss?

I think there is a deep message underlying these laws. By disconnecting the mourner from such physical pleasures, they can more closely identify with the true non-physical qualities of the deceased. By surrounding themselves in a world bereft of these comforts, the mourner can truly begin to contemplate what the important matters in his life are.

The deepest insight I received into what makes a life worth living was not at university but when I began my career as a rabbi and had, for the first time, to officiate at funerals. They were distressing moments, trying to comfort a family in the midst of grief, and I never found them easy, but they were extraordinarily instructive. In my address I had to paint a portrait of the deceased, whom I might not have known personally, so I would talk first to the family and friends to try to understand what he or she meant to them. Almost always they spoke of similar things. The person who had died had been a supportive marriage partner, a caring parent. He or she had been a loyal friend, ready to help when help was needed. No one ever mentioned what they earned or bought, what car they drove, where they spent their holidays. The people most mourned were not the most rich or successful. They were people who enhanced the lives of others. They were kind. You could rely on them. They had a sense of responsibility. They gave time as well as money to voluntary causes. They were part of a community, living its values, sharing its griefs and celebrations. As this pattern repeated itself time and again, I realized that I was learning about more than the deceased. I was being educated into what makes a life well lived.
[The Dignity of Difference, Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks]

The mourner's forgoing of physical comfort may be paralleled with the lack of physical possessions the deceased takes to the grave. Their physical attributes and wealth are not what people recall at times of grief but "the people most mourned… enhanced the lives of others".

One of my rabbis in Yeshiva, Rav Lipman Podolsky zt"l, used to conclude his shiurim with a phrase equally apt to conclude this Dvar Torah:

Yehi Ratzon that we should all be zoche to live life as it should be lived!

If you have any comments or feedback, please email daniel@worldmizrachi.org .

• Kitzur Shulchan Aruch with English linear translation: http://www.geocities.com/yona_n.geo/index.html
• Hebrew Kitzur Shulchan Aruch with nekudot: http://www.kitzur.net
• Hebrew Kitzur Shulchan Aruch without nekudot: http://www.shofar.net/Content/Kitzur_Shulchan.htm?id=5417
• Kitzur Shulchan Aruch project, calendars and order books: http://www.kitzuryomi.org/
• Kitzur Shulchan Aruch with Misgeret HaShulchan: http://www.hebrewbooks.org/9214
• Kitzur Shulchan Aruch with She'arim Ha'Metzuyanim B'Halachah:
  • Part 1 - http://www.hebrewbooks.org/14621
  • Part 2 - http://www.hebrewbooks.org/14622
  • Part 3 - http://www.hebrewbooks.org/14619
  • Part 4 - http://www.hebrewbooks.org/14620
• Selected chapters grouped by theme: http://www.torah.org/learning/halacha/
• New Artscroll Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. Sample available at: http://www.artscroll.com/Books/ksa1.html